should I stay or should I go?

We spend almost all our childhood life in learning institutions. I am talking about regular, mid-type families who can afford formal education. The rest of your years would be another chapter of learning, in a different format, unconfined to any establishment, with a mentor no less than yourself. I used to dream of becoming a mentor. I guess, every child at one point in time thought of it. And for the record, yeah, I thought of becoming a doctor as well. The hard part of education is on the latter chapter. In that case, I can safely say that we spend our entire journey on earth – learning.

Part of education is knowing your options and being certain as you can on the choices you make. And I tell you, every decision that you come across, no matter how little or huge, could change you a lot if not today, definitely in the future. It seemed to me that I am at this point where my decision could mark my career permanently. At times I’d like to think of it as a simple choice between cream based caramel frappuchino and blended coffee caramel frappuchino. They are almost alike I know. But the slight difference is the catch.

If you consider every aspect, every angle, every consequence, ever pros and cons – does that make it the best choice? Or does fulfillment and peace of mind does it? Tough call, believe me. I could rant all I want about it and discuss it to all of my friends for advice. I could post a poll on the internet or flip a coin or something. With that I definitely could pick one. And this dilemma would be all over. Done. But I just can’t. So should I stay or should I go?

Time will be my savior. Time that never stops for anyone. Time that just goes on no matter what. Time that never goes back. Time who seem not to care. Ironically, time will tell me. Not what to do, what to choose, what to decide. Time will tell me that it is time to stop thinking. And then, my decision would be final. When that moment comes, it will be crucial. The decisions wouldn’t be so strong anymore. It probably would not be well thought of either. But one thing is certain, it will be final.

 

photo credit:
https://www.google.ca

solitary

I find myself in the dark staring at a corner where a shed of light seem to come through. I was never scared of the dark. I grew up understanding that everything isn’t supposed to be all pretty all the time. My solitude is mainly dark nights, alone with my thoughts either about the future – which I try so hard to figure out before it happens or the past – which I try so hard to replay and hope to change. I conclude these nights with a question – how did I ever get this dark? How did I ever become so entangled with things I can never control?

Ironically, no matter how tragic my thoughts appear, would anyone believe that I am not sad? I am merely walking down memory lane when I was with a friend and friends. The cherished memories of knowing that even in solitude I will never be alone. These memories are both happy and nostalgic. Maybe I have a twisted way of looking at things and a really crappy way of being moved by negativity but none of these matters. In the end, I find myself in the dark staring at a corner where a shed of light seem to come through.

why I love wave 4

Since time immemorial, I have known and accepted the fact that I am a bad person. Bad in a way that I drive people away from me, stopping them before they even begin to know me in-depth; bad in a way that I am clearly perceived as mean, scheming, antagonistic, purely devilish person whom no one dares to mess with or even sit by in a bench. I have gotten used to sitting alone in a row of empty chairs just because I seem to scare people away. Bad in a way that I put up a concrete wall where I will be untouchable, invulnerable from pain and mockery. Absurdly, I found pleasure from that perception. It gave me dominance over the weak; it gave me authority to assert myself and made me in control of most situations.

Little did I know that I would come to know a bunch of guys who will see the almost-buried goodness that I have inside, some of which I did not even know existed. It made things easier for me to let go of my mask and reveal that part of me which I kept hidden all this time; for fear of being hurt, trampled on and intimidated. Now I realized it does feel good to get compliments sometimes, not just for a job well done but for being the best real person one could ever be. I do hope I was able to touch your lives the way you touched mine.

Viva WAVE 4!!

solid wave 4 batch 2011

We all want something

We all want something. When I was a kid I wanted to have more toys. When I started going to school, I wanted to grow faster and finish my studies because I bet you too would agree that school is not too fun with all the home works and projects and all that research not to mention exams and quizzes. When I finally started working, I wanted more things – a car, a house of my own and the list goes on forever. Now that I have a family of my own, I want a lot of things for my kid – a good life to begin with. In all of the things that we want in life may it be material, a better future, success or fulfilment; you have to have at least two things to achieve them. I’d like to share that on today’s two things Tuesday.

 

1> Will

It is never enough just to want something. Why? Because it’s given – people are insatiable. It is easy to want. You don’t even have to think about what to want. You just do. That want has to be so strong to drive you into making that want a reality. You have to turn that want into inspiration. You have to turn that want into a purpose so that the end goal is to work on it and have it. Take advantage of that want and use it to fuel your inner strength and be determined to get it and check it off your long list of wants.

 

When I moved to this foreign country to start a new life, I got into a few odd jobs and it was not easy. I graduated in my home country and was able to work in the field that I wanted for as long as I can remember. I couldn’t accept the fact that I’d be waiting tables in a grill or ringing customers in a grocery for the remainder of my career that I worked hard for. Despite not wanting to go back to school, I had to. I’m still working on it but if I keep on passing, I’d finally be done before the year ends. It is not easy but I know it’s worth it.

 

2> Means

Nurturing that want to become strong and inspire you is not the end of your journey to achieve your want. It is equally important to find the means or create the means to realize it. If you want a new car, you have to have money to buy it. If you want to finish school you have to stop skipping your classes. If you want to lose weight you have to take some time to exercise or watch your diet. Whatever means you think is necessary is as important as turning that want into an inspiration.

 

I knew I had to go back to studying and finish a few more courses to get back to my field of study. And to do that, I can’t stay on odd jobs. I need a better paying job so I can support my school. I didn’t give up looking for a better job even if it took me months. I was frustrated a dozen times but I cannot give up. I have the will to keep me going.

 

Acceptance is vital. Accept the fact that getting what we want is not as easy as picking up a fallen strawberry. We don’t always get what we want but we get what we deserve. So work hard and deserve what you want. It’s all in your hands.

 

 

 

 

 

photo credit: https://runthisapple.com/

 

perceptions

In our efforts to keep our lives private, we tend to build a facade of the very person who we truly are not. It is interesting to note too that while we do this unfathomable gesture, we expect everyone to believe otherwise. It’s not just complex but odd.

 

People’s perception of us is mainly based on what we project and not the other way around. Thus, it is politically incorrect to rationalize our appalling manners to mean that we are only trying to embody what others are saying that we are.

 

I may seem to be going around in circles but the truth is I am being straightforward. Everything is not what it seems after all. If your life could be summed up as a number, what would it be? As for now, mine would be 80 not because I was given it. It is because I caused it to be it.