too late

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for an absolution that almost felt like a bleak chance. I put up for all the mediocrity of every passing day, continued to live despite the melancholic series of events they called life. I let adversities go on till I became numb to its thorns. I contented myself with little laughter from trivial scenarios and considered it immensely humorous. I was convinced that soon I would drown in that void for the rest of time.

My deliverance came when I almost lost hope. It all happened a second before I finally let go of my last straw of optimism. It came to me when I least expected it and when I needed it the most. My gratitude is immeasurable. My joy has such depth that I lost my breath shouting out to express my deepest thanks.

Just as when my world begins to revolve and catch up on its pace, they happened. My savior from blackness became a despicable threat just like a dream that turned into the darkest nightmare. How could things turn up as such? Who would have thought? What now? Too many questions with unacceptable answers. Too many appalling certainties I cannot avoid. What awaits me? Where will it take me? What can I do?

To Chad

This is a piece of me..

I lost a friend couple of years back. I miss you Chad.

**

It felt almost the same as graduating from high school when Wave 4 finally was launched on the floor. I would often find time during shift to be alone with my thoughts reminding myself that there’s no reason to be sad when friends go apart. It took some time for us to get a chance to know each other and realize that we are so alike in a lot of ways than we thought. And when we did, we just became real good friends as if we were from a long time ago. If this is a love story, I’d call us – soul mates. I remember when I told you this, you pushed me so hard for we both thought it was so cheesy and silly and then we laughed about it so hard.

 

I never had to think about what I can or cannot say when I’m with you because my heart knew that you are there not to judge or make things okay but to listen and just be there. At times I don’t even have to say or do anything, you just know. We know when we need to talk and when we just need to be beside each other. I remember one random time over smoke when we talked about friendship. You know how melodramatic I can be about almost everything and how I’ve always shielded myself from pain and disappointment of anything that could be hurtful to the extent that I distanced myself to a lot of things, people and opportunity. You made me realize a lot of things with the short and meaningful words that you said. You always claim that you are not good with words and ironically I always claim that I am but I guess, we both are and are not.

 

You made me cry so hard at Kwagos before I left you and the Team’s feisty, crazy ideas. But those were the memories that I carried with me and made me wake up each day looking forward to going back and hanging out with all of you. I tried so hard to keep myself together up until I went to visit you at the hospital. I wanted to come to you immediately when I found out but I just don’t want to see you in any pain because we both know I won’t be able to handle that. I felt so bad as a friend because I couldn’t give you the strength that you needed when you needed it the most because I broke down in tears when we finally saw each other. I wanted so much to hug you tighter and longer but you were so fragile I was afraid I’d break you. We were just staring at each other as I tried to make sense of what your mom was saying about how you are doing. We just sat, said the things we wanted to say with our eyes and you winked at me so many times trying to tell me that it’s going to be okay while I tried to hold back the tears.

 

I would be selfish to say that I wished you were there at my wedding, to say that I wish we had more time before you left, to say that I wish you didn’t go, to say that I wish you could’ve waited for me to call and say goodbye. I know you’d understand and that you’d allow me to be a little selfish for a while. I know you fought hard and I’m proud of you. I wish I could be there to bring you to your resting place but I guess I don’t have to because my heart is where you’ll be forever treasured. I don’t want to say goodbye but I can’t say see you later either.  I don’t want to cry no more but I can’t smile either. Gone too soon Chad; too soon. I miss you already.

 

 

remembering

Her family lived in a small home. She and her sister share a room with their parents. Every day at 4 in the morning, she wakes up at the Scent of her dad’s after shave. Even after more than a decade that her parents decided to call it quits, she would always remember the scent of an unbroken family.

She worked hard to finish school. She studied tirelessly so she can get into the best universities. Her perseverance paid off and she was admitted as a scholar in one of the best universities of the country. The smell of city pollution and sidewalk vendors became the Scent of a promise – the promise of success.

Life has never been easy for her. She had to work out of the country and leave the man of her dreams so they may have a chance in life. She came to the foreign land in winter – a cold, blunt and tasteless winter. The Scent of snow as the flakes fell reminds her of home far away.

She sat by the porch; her nose filled by the aroma of hot coffee she held on her hand as she rocks the chair and watch the birds chirp by. The scent of a new day is the Scent of hope.

It’s time to make a change

In a world of digital era, where social media exists, cloud storage is made available and online photo printing is more accessible; it becomes equally important and difficult to keep one’s Privacy. Websites try as hard as they can to provide layer after layer of security to protect people’s privacy when signing up to their sites. There are password requirements that seemed more complicated than calculus, security questions that are sometimes too hard to remember yourself and double log in process that can be really annoying.

On the other hand, users tend to act carelessly leaving all security measures irrelevant. Most people use the same password for their entire log ins so that they don’t forget or even worse, write passwords on a piece of paper. When asked to reset passwords after 75 days to ensure that passwords are not compromise, users opt to waive. Some users don’t log out properly even when using unsecured connections. When using social media, they post everything and anything such as complete addresses, private photos and check in every hour of the day.

Privacy is a joint effort like any other thing in the world. It is a given entitlement but one should care enough to protect it and be vigilant about it in terms of what they do and how they do things. How about:

• Think of a password that is not too personal but can still be associated to things that are easy for you to remember such as using a phrase.
• Follow prompts to change passwords after certain number of days
• Use keypass – an application that you can install to store password information
• Avoid using 1 password for all log ins. Use letters or numbers to help you remember.

You, what do you do to protect your privacy; in the digital world and real world?

20 years

He has not forgiven himself but thought he succeeded in moving on for the last 20 years. All of a sudden he is alone. All of a sudden he has nowhere to go. And all of a sudden he has nothing. He was blessed with a lot of things that were essential to his life but not exactly what he hoped for. And for that reason he neglected all these gifts. He failed to acknowledge the little things that 20 years after meant everything. He lived his life just as he wanted, with complete disregard to how it’ll impact all else that surrounded him.

She said she has forgiven him and convinced herself she succeeded in moving on for the last 20 years. Yet every random thing would remind her of that awful night. Every comparable scenario would remind her of that dreadful time. And every piece of memory would remind her of that sorrowful feeling. She made a huge sacrifice for choosing all else but her own happiness and people looked down on her. They perceived her as weak, incapacitated and downright stupid. She was tied forever to the choice she made.

They were young; they were in-cognizant; they were irrelevant. They breezed through 20 years free of any anger, contempt and disrespect. They did not accept the circumstance as hindrance to prosper, grow and thrive. Their mind understood the past but their hearts did not Cling to it. They were boundless since the beginning.