TGIF – mom

It’s been a wonderful week.. thank God it’s Friday!

I spent four years celebrating my mom’s birthday miles away from her. I contented myself with liking her photos on facebook as she celebrated her birthday with her sisters, my sister and her friends. I spent four years hoping that one day, I will get to spend time with her on her birthday too. I spent four long years celebrating Christmas and new year too far away from my mom. I managed to tell myself it’s okay as I greet her happy holidays on video chat. I never stopped wishing that I will be reunited with her and the rest of the family to celebrate holidays just like old times.

It’s been almost three months since she got here for visit from our home country. My happiness is immeasurable. This year we are going to spend birthdays, holidays, Halloween, mother’s day, thanksgiving and everyday together.

Caroline (of TVD) once said, no one is better off without their parents and I couldn’t agree more. I am of age; old enough that I have a child of my own and I still need my mom. The comfort of having someone who will always be on your side cannot be put into words. Life is too short and I cherish every second that I get to spend with my mom.

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TGIF -we are home

It’s been a long week.. thank God it’s friday!

We spent the last 7 days at the hospital because our little angel got sick. The first day was the most nerve racking day – they had to do all these nasty test to my little one and though I cannot physically feel the pain he’s going through, my heart was bleeding.

The following days went by so slow. We have grown accustomed to our private room that it actually felt like home by the second night.

It doesn’t matter now that we stayed there for a week. What matters most is that now we’re home. We are home.



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in the end

Growing up with a seemingly in-affectionate, unemotional, all-criticism man for a dad was not easy. Being a child of 5 who haven’t gone to school and who has not a lot of friends who have dads at all made it somehow normal.

There’s a vivid memory of supper without water on your glasses because you’re not supposed to drink until you’re done eating. No one is allowed to talk during supper because it is not the time for storytelling and should focus on just eating.

Growing up trying so hard to be perfect despite the fact that perfect does not exist. Doing everything to gain acknowledgement for hard work and yet getting nothing but criticism. Not feeling loved but filling the heart with ideas of affection and care.

Not all sad childhood are broken. Not all dysfunctional family are wrecked. Some arise and become successful. Some end up inspired and content. Let us not Criticize what we know little about.

no tears

It was a year ago the last time I saw you. Dad did not make it easy for us to build rapport with his family. We seldom see any of our cousins, we almost never attended any of the family gatherings, we did not know the clan as we were growing up. Family history when my Dad was young? Could be. Status quo and sibling intrigues? Maybe. Pride and embarrassment for mistakes of the past? I would say so.

Nonetheless, we were there on grandpa’s 70th birthday. I remember him giving us hand-made head bands and bracelets with our name on it. But that is all I could remember. That summer day as we sing to him a melodious birthday song is my only memory of being around him and seeing him.

Now I stand here, looking down a white glass, staring at his closed eyes trying to Recognize
the face lying peacefully in a closed bed surrounded by candles and flowers. Time slipped by us fast – too fast to make lasting memories. It is sad. It is unfortunate. Not because grandpa has left us but because there was so much time but all was wasted. Our time as grandchild and grandfather was stolen from us by history of the past that is not even ours; but of my Dad’s.

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