too late

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for an absolution that almost felt like a bleak chance. I put up for all the mediocrity of every passing day, continued to live despite the melancholic series of events they called life. I let adversities go on till I became numb to its thorns. I contented myself with little laughter from trivial scenarios and considered it immensely humorous. I was convinced that soon I would drown in that void for the rest of time.

My deliverance came when I almost lost hope. It all happened a second before I finally let go of my last straw of optimism. It came to me when I least expected it and when I needed it the most. My gratitude is immeasurable. My joy has such depth that I lost my breath shouting out to express my deepest thanks.

Just as when my world begins to revolve and catch up on its pace, they happened. My savior from blackness became a despicable threat just like a dream that turned into the darkest nightmare. How could things turn up as such? Who would have thought? What now? Too many questions with unacceptable answers. Too many appalling certainties I cannot avoid. What awaits me? Where will it take me? What can I do?

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anger has left me

It truly is amazing how deep, nurtured angst can instantly disappear with just a desperately anticipated call from someone not even on your phone book. It has been a battle and continuous struggle for a couple of years where I almost convinced myself that I’m actually trapped. I longed for my independence. And I thought I’d finally be able to say all the bottled up thoughts when independence day comes. I thought I could finally speak up and release my rage. I was surprised to be wrong.

 

It’s a wonderful feeling to finally be free of all the hurt and hate. Life has become too heavy to live with all those emotional baggage that kept piling up. I have caused damage to my own self because of retaliations that are my only escape to keep afloat. For a time, I looked myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at me.

 

Now my plate’s clean and empty. My heart is filled with only gratitude and hope. Now I can live again. Now I am breathing. Now I am free.

A Friend

I’ve been wishing since I was born with this life

That our friendship be forever

I’ve been hoping all my life

For you and me to be together

 

I had been seeing this guy when you told me

That he’s not the right man for me

I didn’t understand what you meant

And flowers around me suddenly lost scent

 

I am thinking deeply

Thinking should I believe you

M heart is aching seriously

Am I really hearing this from you

 

I was crying even in my sleep last night

As I came to my final decision

I am hurting you during the confrontation that night

I chose him over you in total confusion

 

Months and years passed by

And it hurts me more to realize

You were right after all, that made me cry

He was nothing compared to you but you I sacrificed

 

So I’ll be wishing on each star later

To bring things back and keep it that way

I shall be dreaming tomorrow, hug those dreams tighter

“I miss you” and this to you I’ll say