TGIF – change

It’s been a wonderful week.. thank God it’s Friday!

I walked along a familiar aisle towards a desk at the south end of the second floor. It was a year ago since I was there last.

Part of me is excited to be back but a bigger part of me is a little lonely. I was happy a year ago before I went on maternity leave. I was part of a great team, fun trio, reliable colleagues and almost friends.

As I come closer to my desk, it hit me that my go-to guy has left and found a greener Pasteur; my turn-to gal has left to enjoy the coming of her newborn.

Change is here.

I sat on my desk and fired up my computer. It’s all starting to come back to me. I spent the day going through my thousand emails that are now completely irrelevant. I worked on getting all my access back and organizing my stuff.

I posted back the photo of me and my husband where I used to pin it. I have an addition this time. My son’s best photo yet.

Change is here.

A couple days later, my senior and I had a refresher meeting for the changes that have happened with the accounts that I used to do and how things are going to be done moving forward. After seeing all the spreadsheets and going over the folders in my computer, I felt home. I felt I’m back where I used to be.

The same afternoon of the refresher, I was called into a meeting with a few others from a different department. I knew something is up.

Management has decided to move me to a different department so now I’m going to do a different account that is totally different from what I’ve been doing for the last couple years.

Change is here.

It’s been a week now and things are still all new to me. It would’ve been nice to go back to what I’m used to do but I realized change is good. You just have to take it in, embrace it and give it a shot. It’s not that bad.

Change offers new learning, growth, excitement and it piques your brain after being static for being too familiar with something. I like where I am now. I do miss all the people I used to work with that are now gone and I’m still getting to know my new team. I can’t help but compare but in truth, it is what it is.

Change is here and it’s either we adapt to it or be stubborn and stuck. I choose to move forward.

photo credit:

http://www.funkyfaithgirl.com

 

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If we were having coffee, I’d tell you it’s been a busy week altogether and I bet you had a busy one too.

**

I recently got back to work and I’ve been dealing with coping up to so many changes. I was away for about a year and it was naive and a bit stupid for me to think that I’d be going back to the same things.

For the most part, yes, I still hold the same position and I’m still part of the same department. I still sit on the same boring, neatly arranged table and my old files for storage still sit under my desk.

A week after coming back, management decided to move me to a new team and gave me a new account that is totally different than what I’ve been doing which happened right after the refresher meeting I had with my old senior. Hah!

**

I got married in 2015 but a part of me didn’t want to let go of my family name. For one, I don’t particularly like my husband’s last name. I felt it didn’t fit me yet. That has nothing to do with love at all, purely aesthetic.

Now, I’ve decided to change my name to take my husband’s last name. Whew! This is it! It’s funny though because when I went to have my driver’s license updated, the agent asked me to sign electronically to complete my application and it hit me! I haven’t really thought about that yet.

Overall, I’ve got the important ones done but I still got a long list – banks, phone company, membership organizations, insurances, etc.

-> Change is the only thing constant in the world and we need to take it, embrace it and live with it. I remind myself that I need to look at the good sides of change for growth to be more effective and fruitful. We love the old but it’s time for the new!

First time mom

This is a piece of me..

I received the greatest gift so far. My son.

**

I did not want to have kids as I was growing up. I wanted to have kids of my own but the thought of carrying them in my womb for 9 long months and having to physically bring them out into the world scares me the most.

When I said scared, I am not talking about the dangers and complexities of being pregnant. And you would think I am selfish and vain but I was more concerned about how to get rid of the belly that might not go away. Ever. At all.

During my third trimester is when my tummy started to grow significantly big and after gaining 15 kg, at that point, I told myself, I’m never going to get back on all my old clothes. And so I packed all of them and placed them in a box for donation as tears started to roll from my eyes.

Was that me being pregnant and hormonal? Or was that me being my vain, selfish self? I wouldn’t know for sure.

I am a planner. It pains me not to know what’s going to happen in the next 24 hours more so how it’s going to unfold. So I tried every possible way to mitigate this concern and booked pre-natal classes and hospital tours, watched videos and read anything baby related I can search Google for.

With all these so called preparations, I realized lots of people tell you a lot of things that you can expect about pregnancy and child birth but there’s also a fair amount of information they neglect to tell you. Ergo, there’s only so much you can do to prepare and things will happen as they should and you should not worry too much; easier said than done for sure.

I was in pain for a good couple months and though I loved my son the moment I had some spotting during my first trimester and realized I could lose him, I was frustrated with how sleep deprived I was and how so little time I have left for myself.

I love my son and I would go through everything over again for him. To all mom to be/s or new moms who is overwhelmed by all the changes in their lives, it is important to stand back, look at your precious little ones and appreciate their beauty.

More importantly, know that things will get back to normal soon enough. It may not be exactly how it used to be – your body, your lifestyle and sleep times but it will have some normalcy at some point.

The journey into becoming a mother is a lifetime trek – unpredictable, swift, rewarding and can be frustrating. It is a role that will last until your last day on earth. It does not begin when you give birth and it does not end when your child turns 18; not even 40.

You will be a mom for the remaining of your lifetime but your little ones will not be babies for the remaining of your lifetime. So enjoy them while they are tiny and fragile because they will not be that small again.

momentarily

See the leaves as they turn yellow
As the wind chills and bellow
Watch each Leaf fall onto the ground
Ever so softly without making a sound

Turn the page of an ending book
Commit to memory the time it took
To bid goodbye to a noble character
The final Leaf you’ll remember long after

In autumn a Leaf says farewell
When they’re all gone, it is winter you can tell
As the gloom fades and the sun shine stronger
A leaf shall spring back and bloom to summer

Pick a new manuscript and turn the first Leaf
A wonderful adventure is like new belief
New beginning after each ending
Promise of forever unwinding

photo credit:
http://www.istockphoto.com

TGIF – hello spring!

It’s been a great week.. thank God it’s Friday!

 

This has been a much awaited week because the weather’s better, a little crappy but we’re finally saying goodbye to winter. There’s rain shower here and there but I’d rather have that than negative temperatures and snow. I’ve had enough of the winter snow.

 

I never liked snow and even after I moved to Canada from a tropical country, I have never liked the snow. I don’t enjoy shovelling piles of snow so I can walk without tripping. I don’t find it cute to wear mittens (I can barely touch anything) when it’s -35 degrees celsius out. I get tired of wearing furry boots after a week in winter. I can go on and on with this really.

 

I remember whenever I go for vacation at my home country; my friends would always joke about me bringing them snow. They like the snow because they don’t have it. They think it’s fashionable to wear heavy winter coat and furry boots and a variety of thick scarves you can barely move your head.

 

We tend to take things for granted because they’re close at hand and always available or within reach. We tend to miss enjoying the things that we have that others long to get. We tend to forget to appreciate what is right before our eyes.

 

So I’m glad winter is over but I made a promise to myself that next winter, I will play crazy in the snow, I will build a snow man, I will take beautiful photos of tree branches crowned with snow and have winter fashion fun.

 

I’m still glad winter’s over and don’t want to sound overly excited about the next but I’ll try to like it. For now, hello spring! I’m so glad you’re here.

 

 

 

 

photo credit: http://www.funkyfaithgirl.com

dig deeper

The world is an ever changing place. Everything about it changes so fast that most of the time we can’t keep up. We find ourselves stuck at a moment in time either because it was so awesome where we feel we don’t want to let go or because it was so distressing we cannot find our way out.

We barely realize it but we too change. We change each day because of the choices we make and because of the things that happen to us. In our struggles we try hard to stay afloat and put our best foot forward. We hope to triumph over our problems and win our battles without being scarred. Interestingly, whether we win or lose a fight, we always end up being a different person. We are weakened. We become stronger people. We evolve into someone new. We change.

We hardly notice but we too change. We wake up each day to a brighter day when we are happy and content. We see the trees are greener; we taste our coffee sweeter; we smell spring air thicker and warmer. We are more open to new things and surprises because there is such joy in our hearts that overwhelms us as if nothing can go wrong. When we feel secure we are more willing to take risks. We are delighted. We become optimistic. We evolve into someone new. We change.

meaningful-life

The world is an ever changing place. Everything about it changes so fast that most of the time we easily ignore all of its meaning. When we begin to drift in the moment – may it be sorrow or delight, we begin to overlook so many important things. We need to always remember that things have a reason for happening and nothing is Meaningless.

photo credit: http://www.thechangeblog.com

Crime I need not to pay

As there are actors typecast-ed because they fit the physical profile, so are words that immediately denotes a negative feeling such as Gone. This poem is an attempt to change that.

***

I lay down on my bed

So soft and well made

I blink for several times

As I put my hands on my sides

Though my eyes were closed

I could feel him whispered

As he comes near me

I felt shivers of bee

When his lips touched my cheeks

It wasn’t sweet and I cried yikes!

I slapped him and blood I saw

He was Gone, I killed a mosquito