after all

It’s this after all thing
That makes things annoying
I don’t like the idea
Of you treating me special
I don’t feel such instead it’s unusual

Before I thought it’s but normal
and perhaps very natural
I even thought
You are kinda liking me
Not only for what we are already

How stupid I was not to carefully watch
and jump into a conclusion as such
What a fool I’ve been
Not to notice what you really want
And all my feelings spent

I don’t think I’m a flirt
But I really am hurt
Nobody can define
No words could express
My feelings of distress

I’m not blaming you for anything
I just know you’re the rest of everything
But never mind that
I’ll it over it somehow
Only time can allow

Not because we’ve had some fight
Would be a reason for our friendship to lose its light
Friends we’ll always be
You don’t have to worry
There’s no need to be

Together for how many years?
Shouldn’t be waster by tears
After all we’re good friends
Wait.. then after all
After all isn’t so bad at all

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when I was a kid

I have these strange thought about things when I was a kid and i’d like to know what’s yours. It just amazes me how children so young could come up with such crazy ideas and it’s so unique. Here’s mine and I’m really looking forward to hearing about yours.

thought # 1
I was so confused about this sign written on walls on the streets. It says “POST NO BILL”. It made me wonder why all those walls were as clean as the cloud. I asked my mom and I couldn’t get myself to agree with her. She told me it means that you can’t post anything on the walls. It totally meant the opposite to me. As I understand it then, it meant – you can post and you won’t have to pay for it.

thought # 2
I never realized there were traffic lights that tells you that you need to stop or that you can go. So I was thinking what could be wrong whenever the cars stopped on a red light. I figured there could be a car on the forefront who stopped and went to buy a cigar or something from a nearby convenience store so every car after it had to wait in line. It wasn’t a very convincing idea even to myself but I managed to believe in it for a while.

 

Photo credit: http://info.alleninteractions.com

 

anger has left me

It truly is amazing how deep, nurtured angst can instantly disappear with just a desperately anticipated call from someone not even on your phone book. It has been a battle and continuous struggle for a couple of years where I almost convinced myself that I’m actually trapped. I longed for my independence. And I thought I’d finally be able to say all the bottled up thoughts when independence day comes. I thought I could finally speak up and release my rage. I was surprised to be wrong.

 

It’s a wonderful feeling to finally be free of all the hurt and hate. Life has become too heavy to live with all those emotional baggage that kept piling up. I have caused damage to my own self because of retaliations that are my only escape to keep afloat. For a time, I looked myself in the mirror and didn’t recognize the reflection staring back at me.

 

Now my plate’s clean and empty. My heart is filled with only gratitude and hope. Now I can live again. Now I am breathing. Now I am free.

comfort zone

As we journey life, we gradually construct a bubble where we cushion ourselves from eminent threat, fear of failure and bad luck. We try to make that bubble as sturdy and impenetrable as we can. We know we’ll be safe as long as we stay there.

When life throws us a curve ball, we struggle to dodge it then kick it out of the way. When changes like this happen, we worry. We trouble ourselves about the safety of our bubble and totally digress our focus from what really matters.

A safe zone is not always going to hold. We need to be prepared for anything that life will throw at us. Building a wall to stop change or weaving a trap to catch danger is not the things we need to be prepared. We need to think about preparations as being strong.

We will be afraid. We will be shaken. We might fall. We might lose. But we need not fear. We need not be Nervous. We will prevail. We will rise above it.