TGIF – simple things

It’s been a wonderful week.. thank God it’s Friday!

I went to the porch with a cup of coffee and stick of cigarette minutes before I went to bed. These are the moments I look forward to each day.

For one, because I get to do the 2 most plain things that I enjoy; Two, because solidarity is pure serenity; and lastly, because I get to ponder about the day, the week, the things I should be grateful about and what tomorrow might bring.

Each night I think about just the simple things that one often forget to be thankful about. And I try to be more positive.

I thought about the day that went by. I’m grateful that I woke up today and was given a chance to spend time with family.

I thought about my mom who dropped her life to be here with me and my new bundle of joy. I’m so happy I get to spend time with her and she gets to spend time with her grandson.

I thought about my husband. He’s not perfect and most of the time I think about my endless list of expectations he failed. But at the end of the day, he’s there for me and I will be here for him. Each day, we choose to love.

I thought about my little angel. He’s awesome and I know it’s hard now that he’s young but I am given an opportunity to hone a person that will make a difference in the world someday.

I thought about autumn. It’s a new season. The leaves shall turn yellow and fall off the tree but it will spring back.. in time.

Happy weekend and may we continue to appreciate the simplest things around us.

photo credit:
http://www.funkyfaithgirl.com

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quit the bad habits

Why does it feel so easy to be cruel and restless all the time? It has always been a struggle to be someone that you will never be. Always a battle to become acceptable and an endless effort to achieve the serenity that gives an awful feeling of no-regrets. I have started on a real bad habit a couple of years ago and it’s just so difficult to do away with it. One after another that continues to doom my life into an eternal misfortune and wanting to be elsewhere. It seemed profound when I go back in time realizing I’ve crossed an impasse without realizing the consequences that would last a lifetime.

I often hear my thoughts asking what I have done and what I have done to deserve being here in a lump of disorder. How amazing that I cannot get myself to detach from these scenarios when I know very well where I’d end up. I wish I had the strength to step out of the comfort zone and take the risk. I wish there is a way to prepare myself to fail. I look at myself in the mirror and find a person who is disgusted with herself but couldn’t quite blame itself. I see the abyss of panic and hopelessness that envelopes the entire life that is lightly flickering behind it.

As I puff a smoke out of a stick of sin, I hoped the much bigger vice on which I live in would die down as I smash the burning hate emanating from the blackness of tar.

after all

It’s this after all thing
That makes things annoying
I don’t like the idea
Of you treating me special
I don’t feel such instead it’s unusual

Before I thought it’s but normal
and perhaps very natural
I even thought
You are kinda liking me
Not only for what we are already

How stupid I was not to carefully watch
and jump into a conclusion as such
What a fool I’ve been
Not to notice what you really want
And all my feelings spent

I don’t think I’m a flirt
But I really am hurt
Nobody can define
No words could express
My feelings of distress

I’m not blaming you for anything
I just know you’re the rest of everything
But never mind that
I’ll it over it somehow
Only time can allow

Not because we’ve had some fight
Would be a reason for our friendship to lose its light
Friends we’ll always be
You don’t have to worry
There’s no need to be

Together for how many years?
Shouldn’t be waster by tears
After all we’re good friends
Wait.. then after all
After all isn’t so bad at all

shall be anger

Anyone may think that we know ourselves better than anyone or anything. Logical, yes but not absolutely true. Even our very own self is in discovery of who we really are each and every day. Our personalities are so dynamic that we can’t put it in a box and define it in full, actual detail. There’s always a catch. It’s like a genie’s wish – tricky and almost always not the way you think it’s going to end up.

I took this random quiz on facebook the other day. It’s supposed to find out and tell you what 7 deadly sin are you. I kind of knew what I would turn out to be but I took the quiz anyway. I was actually surprised it was pride! I mean really surprised. I honestly, truly believe that it can’t be pride. On all arguments with my brother, which was not petty, I am the one calming down first and making the first move to reconcile. I apologize and that’s never a problem for me. I strongly believe I am humble enough on other aspects. This really sounds like I’m putting myself on a pedestal but I’m not. I’m just trying to convince myself that there’s some truth on the quiz or none.

I was really vouching for anger to come out. I would have no questions at all if it did. I am definitely easily angered. And I do stupid things because I am angry. It’s just pretty obvious that’s all. I don’t know whatever happened to the quiz. Is this an eye opener for me? Now that’s making me think. And I got my answer like, in a matter of days.

We had this argument which was really petty and unimaginably irrelevant. But it turned out to be a big fight. And I was analyzing everything as it happens and I found out it was more of my fault. I couldn’t brush that off but definitely he has his fair share contribution on how things turned out to be a mess. I couldn’t get myself to apologize or anything to that effect. Then I remembered the quiz and I just realized, it was happening right now.

I turned things around. I told myself It’s not going to be pride. It shall be anger.

I myself didn’t know myself. I had to rationalize and choose how’s it’s going to be. Our personality is so dynamic and there’s much more to it than we may ever know. It was a choice and a discovery.

My precious

What do you consider your most prized possession? Could be your new jeep Cherokee – red with shiny wheels; could be your Iwatch that you got from your birthday; could be a medal when you won a speech contest or sports tournament. Now, if we try to take a moment and dig deeper into ourselves, beyond the material possessions that we consider important, beyond the dreams we’ve achieved, we realize that our most prized possession is our life. It is that one thing that we cannot replace; that one thing that once we lose it, everything else we own or have or known would not matter.

Life is really as simple as breathing in and breathing out but we insist on making it complicated. In our dire efforts to live life to the fullest, we create an endless list of goals and wants, a bucketful list of adventures we’d like to experience in our lifetime and the desire to find the love that we are meant to be with.

I’m going to share with you 2 poems that I strongly relate to how we need to value our real most prized possession, life. The first poem talks about love and the second is all about struggle and will to survive.

Here goes the first poem, Died for Love

In the park where I did dwell
I met a boy I loved like hell
There he took my heart from me
And now he wants me to set him free
He let a strange girl sat on his knee
Told her things he never told me
For I know the reason why
The girl was much prettier than I
I went home and cried in bed
Not a word to mother I said
My dad came home late at night
And searched for me from left to right
On my door he surely broke
For there I was hanging on a rope
He got a knife and cut me down
And on my bed a note was found
Dig my grave and dig it deep
Put marble stones from head to feet
And on my head put a dove
To show the world I died for love

The poem is plain and very straightforward and it talks about how something pure and wonderful as love could bring about darkness and pain into a person’s life that it has the power to make you think that losing your life, which is your most prized possession is worth nothing. We need to look beyond our broken hearts and emotional struggles and realize that no amount of pain should ever let us look at life any less. Ultimately, it tells us that life is worth living for whatever it trials we go through.

The second poem I’d like to share is, Invictus meaning invincible:

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeoning of chance
My head I bloody but unbowed
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid
It matters not how strait the gate
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul

The poem talks about struggles in general that we go through in life and how these struggles should never make us feel that life is worthless. The poem explains that however troubled our past was it prepares us for the future and that we should not be afraid. We are in charge of our life with the choices that we make, the master of our destiny and the captain of our being. Ultimately, it tells us that life is worth living for whatever it trials we go through.

2 strong poems that speaks about love, struggle and the will to survive; factors that affect how we spend our most prized possession. Shows us 2 routes that we can take – either we give up, give up our life or fight and overcome whatever’s thrown our way. Ultimately, it tells us that life is worth living for whatever it trials we go through.

In conclusion, let me leave you with a quote from Emily Dickinson:

“That it will never come again is what makes life sweet”.

**
I wrote this speech for the 5th speech project on the Competent Communication manual Your body speaks. The objectives of this speech are:

• Use stance, movement, gestures, facial expressions and eye contact to express your message and achieve your speech’s purpose.
• Make your body language smooth and natural.

I wait

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you that the coming weeks would be all about waiting for me. Patience they say is a virtue and to be honest, when God showered patience all over the world, I was probably sleeping as I did not get much.

**

Pass Or Fail Keys To Show Exam Or Test Results
It has been a week now since I took the common final exam for my degree and it was grueling to say the least. I did not have much confidence as the days come closer to the exam but I had to do it and try as best I can to pass. There are at least 3,000 examinees across the country and because we had to write cases instead of an objective type of test, it’ll take about a couple of months to find out the results.

So for the coming weeks, I will be waiting. Waiting and hoping that my best was enough to get me that letter that tells me I made it. Until then, my mornings would just be a countdown and my nights would still be sleepless.

**

93
I haven’t spent Christmas home for the past 4 years and indeed it felt like forever. It’s not just because I live in a different country now but because my whole clan, my band of friends, my pets and all the people who make Christmas the best season of all is miles and miles away from me.

This year I have a chance to spend it the way I used to – with the people dear to me, with the tradition I grew up with, with the scent of holidays in the morning and at a place that I will forever call home. It will be about 5 years before I get this chance again so you can imagine my excitement and anticipation.

For the next couple of months, I will be waiting. Waiting and looking forward to the day I fly back home. Until then, my mornings would just be countdowns and my nights would be filled with dreams of home.

**
Each of our days is a wait time – for something we want to happen or something we hope does not happen. Either way, all we can do is sit tight, enjoy the moments in between and celebrate as we come closer to most awaited day.

 

photo credit:
https://adayinthelifeofjoanna.com
http://www.myignou.in
http://mynosebleed.com

momentarily

See the leaves as they turn yellow
As the wind chills and bellow
Watch each Leaf fall onto the ground
Ever so softly without making a sound

Turn the page of an ending book
Commit to memory the time it took
To bid goodbye to a noble character
The final Leaf you’ll remember long after

In autumn a Leaf says farewell
When they’re all gone, it is winter you can tell
As the gloom fades and the sun shine stronger
A leaf shall spring back and bloom to summer

Pick a new manuscript and turn the first Leaf
A wonderful adventure is like new belief
New beginning after each ending
Promise of forever unwinding

photo credit:
http://www.istockphoto.com