Update Required!

If we were having coffee, I’d tell you it’s been a busy week altogether and I bet you had a busy one too.

**

I recently got back to work and I’ve been dealing with coping up to so many changes. I was away for about a year and it was naive and a bit stupid for me to think that I’d be going back to the same things.

For the most part, yes, I still hold the same position and I’m still part of the same department. I still sit on the same boring, neatly arranged table and my old files for storage still sit under my desk.

A week after coming back, management decided to move me to a new team and gave me a new account that is totally different than what I’ve been doing which happened right after the refresher meeting I had with my old senior. Hah!

**

I got married in 2015 but a part of me didn’t want to let go of my family name. For one, I don’t particularly like my husband’s last name. I felt it didn’t fit me yet. That has nothing to do with love at all, purely aesthetic.

Now, I’ve decided to change my name to take my husband’s last name. Whew! This is it! It’s funny though because when I went to have my driver’s license updated, the agent asked me to sign electronically to complete my application and it hit me! I haven’t really thought about that yet.

Overall, I’ve got the important ones done but I still got a long list – banks, phone company, membership organizations, insurances, etc.

-> Change is the only thing constant in the world and we need to take it, embrace it and live with it. I remind myself that I need to look at the good sides of change for growth to be more effective and fruitful. We love the old but it’s time for the new!

First time mom

This is a piece of me..

I received the greatest gift so far. My son.

**

I did not want to have kids as I was growing up. I wanted to have kids of my own but the thought of carrying them in my womb for 9 long months and having to physically bring them out into the world scares me the most.

When I said scared, I am not talking about the dangers and complexities of being pregnant. And you would think I am selfish and vain but I was more concerned about how to get rid of the belly that might not go away. Ever. At all.

During my third trimester is when my tummy started to grow significantly big and after gaining 15 kg, at that point, I told myself, I’m never going to get back on all my old clothes. And so I packed all of them and placed them in a box for donation as tears started to roll from my eyes.

Was that me being pregnant and hormonal? Or was that me being my vain, selfish self? I wouldn’t know for sure.

I am a planner. It pains me not to know what’s going to happen in the next 24 hours more so how it’s going to unfold. So I tried every possible way to mitigate this concern and booked pre-natal classes and hospital tours, watched videos and read anything baby related I can search Google for.

With all these so called preparations, I realized lots of people tell you a lot of things that you can expect about pregnancy and child birth but there’s also a fair amount of information they neglect to tell you. Ergo, there’s only so much you can do to prepare and things will happen as they should and you should not worry too much; easier said than done for sure.

I was in pain for a good couple months and though I loved my son the moment I had some spotting during my first trimester and realized I could lose him, I was frustrated with how sleep deprived I was and how so little time I have left for myself.

I love my son and I would go through everything over again for him. To all mom to be/s or new moms who is overwhelmed by all the changes in their lives, it is important to stand back, look at your precious little ones and appreciate their beauty.

More importantly, know that things will get back to normal soon enough. It may not be exactly how it used to be – your body, your lifestyle and sleep times but it will have some normalcy at some point.

The journey into becoming a mother is a lifetime trek – unpredictable, swift, rewarding and can be frustrating. It is a role that will last until your last day on earth. It does not begin when you give birth and it does not end when your child turns 18; not even 40.

You will be a mom for the remaining of your lifetime but your little ones will not be babies for the remaining of your lifetime. So enjoy them while they are tiny and fragile because they will not be that small again.

A question to an answer

What’s on your mind? Facebook asks me that every single time! How are you? How’s it going? These are questions that aim to start a conversation. Why are you here? How did you do that? These questions are geared towards hearing more explanation and understanding. Are you going? Do you like that? These questions require a specific and direct response. We ask questions because we want to know; we want to understand. We ask questions because we want answers and every answer is important. From answers, we draw conclusions, we decide based on it. But sometimes questions are more important than answers.

 

All my life I have tried to challenge the statement, there are no stupid questions. It was only in January of this year that I finally succeeded! In January, I went back to the Philippines to get married. And to make the most out of my very short stay, I have arranged for a private pool resort out of town to get together with my friends and have a little party. So I asked my cousin who owns the resort how to get there. She sent me a text message of the directions. She mentioned what exit to take on the highway, turn left after the exit and gave me 711 and a water district as the landmarks then we can turn right and the resort would be to our left. So we drove early in the morning to a 3 hour drive to the resort. After the highway exit, we turned left. Following my cousin’s direction we should pass by a 711 store and turn right after the water district. We’ve been on the road for 20 minutes and no sign of the landmarks we’re looking for and by the looks of it, we are obviously lost. I don’t have my cousin’s mobile number so I tried her on facebook but she’s not responding. My friend tried to Google map the address and all it showed was a green dot, which is where we were and a massive white all around it. Clearly there are not a lot of people who use maps in the Philippines. I’m not sure if that’s why the maps are not updated or the other way around. For the first time, the map offered no answer at all so we figured we can ask around. My other friend volunteered and got off the car and asked a man standing by the street while we pulled over to the side and wait quietly in the car. When he came back, he said the man told him we missed a turn. So we turned around and took a turn, soon enough we passed by the 711 store so we all thought we’re finally on the right track. But then 15minutes of driving and yet no water district on sight, not even a street where we could turn right. So my friend decided we need to ask again so we pulled over and he got off the car. When he came back he said we’re on the right path it’s just going to be a few kilometers more. So we were relieved and went on. 5 kilometers after, it looked like the road is winding down and soon enough there we were headed to a dead end. We’ve been going around the town for 45 minutes and I it’s starting to upset me. So I asked my friend, “what did the first and the second guy told you?” My friend said, “well I asked where the 711 store is that’s close to the water district and he said we missed a turn so I told you we need to turn around. And then I asked the second guy where the water district is and he said it’s at the end of this road closer to the river.” Dead silent inside the car but my brain shouted wow! We are heading to the right direction after all – that is if we want to go to the water district! I decided to just call my aunt’s home, because that’s the only landline number I can recall after being gone for a year, so I can get my other aunt’s office number to get their home phone number to try to get my cousin’s mobile number so I can call her. Half an hour later, I was able to reach my cousin and we finally got to the resort exhausted.

 

Asking the right questions take as much skill as giving the right answer. As odd as it sounds, we need to first identify what answers we want so we know what kind of questions to ask. Formulating questions is like using a computer – garbage in, garbage out. Whatever quality of data you put in is the same quality of data you can expect to get. Even Google search is all about formulating a good question. If you formulate a bad keyword to search – vague and unclear, it’s not going to give you a useful answer.

 

To conclude my speech I wanted to leave you with a quote and so I googled it and found an African proverb that says “the one who asks questions doesn’t lose his way”. Uhm, not really. I clicked the next button and found this:

 

“There are no right answers to wrong questions” – by Ursula Le Guin.

 

**

I wrote this speech for the 6th speech project on the Competent Communication manual Vocal Variety. The objectives of this speech are:

  • Use voice volume, pitch, rate, and quality to reflect and add meaning and interest to your message
  • Use pauses to enhance your message
  • Use vocal variety smoothly and naturally

TGIF – simple things

It’s been a wonderful week.. thank God it’s Friday!

I went to the porch with a cup of coffee and stick of cigarette minutes before I went to bed. These are the moments I look forward to each day.

For one, because I get to do the 2 most plain things that I enjoy; Two, because solidarity is pure serenity; and lastly, because I get to ponder about the day, the week, the things I should be grateful about and what tomorrow might bring.

Each night I think about just the simple things that one often forget to be thankful about. And I try to be more positive.

I thought about the day that went by. I’m grateful that I woke up today and was given a chance to spend time with family.

I thought about my mom who dropped her life to be here with me and my new bundle of joy. I’m so happy I get to spend time with her and she gets to spend time with her grandson.

I thought about my husband. He’s not perfect and most of the time I think about my endless list of expectations he failed. But at the end of the day, he’s there for me and I will be here for him. Each day, we choose to love.

I thought about my little angel. He’s awesome and I know it’s hard now that he’s young but I am given an opportunity to hone a person that will make a difference in the world someday.

I thought about autumn. It’s a new season. The leaves shall turn yellow and fall off the tree but it will spring back.. in time.

Happy weekend and may we continue to appreciate the simplest things around us.

photo credit:
http://www.funkyfaithgirl.com

quit the bad habits

Why does it feel so easy to be cruel and restless all the time? It has always been a struggle to be someone that you will never be. Always a battle to become acceptable and an endless effort to achieve the serenity that gives an awful feeling of no-regrets. I have started on a real bad habit a couple of years ago and it’s just so difficult to do away with it. One after another that continues to doom my life into an eternal misfortune and wanting to be elsewhere. It seemed profound when I go back in time realizing I’ve crossed an impasse without realizing the consequences that would last a lifetime.

I often hear my thoughts asking what I have done and what I have done to deserve being here in a lump of disorder. How amazing that I cannot get myself to detach from these scenarios when I know very well where I’d end up. I wish I had the strength to step out of the comfort zone and take the risk. I wish there is a way to prepare myself to fail. I look at myself in the mirror and find a person who is disgusted with herself but couldn’t quite blame itself. I see the abyss of panic and hopelessness that envelopes the entire life that is lightly flickering behind it.

As I puff a smoke out of a stick of sin, I hoped the much bigger vice on which I live in would die down as I smash the burning hate emanating from the blackness of tar.