the hats I wear

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that it has been a calm week which can be a miracle if you have a three month old infant like me. Contrary to what most people would say, I find myself having more time to think as I put my little angel to sleep or as I stare at his face as he doze off at night. This week was so calm I thought about all the roles I play in this world.

**

Thirty some years ago I was just like my little angel; a daughter to newbie parents whom I would like to think enjoyed my introduction to the world and to their budding married life. Before I was anybody, I was first a daughter. It would probably be the easiest role I ever played in this universe. Except when I started school and expectations were set. It was mostly my dad who had so many outlooks or so I thought. In retrospect, it was probably me who set that expectation for wanting to please my parents and the desire to make them proud of me. I would say I succeeded for the most part.
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Five years after, I became an older sister. It was not a breeze I have to say. It was probably the very first obstacle I had to overcome in life. The age gap did not make it easier – thanks to my parents. It took a while before my sister and I got along and now we’re inseparable. We live miles apart, we seldom talk these days because we’re both preoccupied with our own lives and busy living the life we’ve dreamed for ourselves but we are together in heart. I’d say this role is also my first victory.
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Part of growing up is being exposed outside the comforts of your home. And not having my family beside me all the time eventually pushed me to making friends, building a circle of people I can call “family”. I made some real good friends and some transitory ones too. I then took on the role of a friend. I’m not an easy person to get along with. I don’t think I’d like myself so much if I meet myself for the first time so I can totally relate to others. Having to trust people you’ve only met and giving them an opportunity to hurt you because you care is not that simple. Making friends is not a simple handshake for me. It takes more than just a couple of coffee breaks or compliments to feel another person’s sincerity. I was never miss congeniality but I did find real treasures – friends till the end.
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Among friends I met a guy whom I did not like. Ironically, I ended up marrying him and now I am happiest. It’s a pretty long romance story which is for another coffee share so I’d skip it for now. I’m a lot of things that is unnatural. I am not very domestic. I have always been the career-oriented wife so it was a bit strange to take on the role of a wife. I’m still working on it and I think I will be a work in progress here.
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I started out as a couple’s child and now I have one of my own. I think about my parents and how they were with me, how they helped me become the person that I am now. I think about how I would play a role in my little angel’s personality, behaviour, being and life. It’s a delicate role and sometimes I am worried, afraid and scared. But I tell myself, I’ve handled so many other roles in the past and this is a new challenge that I’m going to enjoy and endure.
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We wear so many different hats in our lifetime and each is a diverse challenge. It requires full attention, dedication and patience. We’re humans and if we end up not living up to expectations, it should be fine; we should be fine. We’re allowed a few wrong turns and missed intersections along the way as long as we try to find our way back and go the right path.
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photo credit:
http://www.clipartpanda.com
https://imjustnotthatcrafty.wordpress.com

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5 Comments

  1. I really enjoyed really your post and it really touched my heart. I struggled to come to terms with parenthood with my first but feel more at home with them now as they head into their teens than as babies. I clearly remember the highs and lows of being a teen and feel I have something to offer them and their friends. I was very career orientated before I had the kids and I worked part-time until I got sick a few years ago and my priorities changes. I spend much of my time writing now instead. Life is too short. My kids also need me more as teens and there’s no after school care etc. They are becoming more independent yet as they move further afield, I’m also needing to rev up the taxi. Yet, these drives in the car are very bonding.
    Take care and I’ll pass on the best advice I had as a new mum. That was that it’s okay to be a good enough parent. I don’t have to be perfect.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s overwhelming.. being a mum. Someone once told me that parents get to have 10 years with their kids before they start hanging out more with friends than you so I’m trying to enjoy this time with my lil angel amidst all the craziness that goes with it (sleepless nights and all).

      Thank you and I’m glad you enjoyed this piece.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Having a calm week with a young child is certainly something! Glad you got the chance to reflect. This is a great meditation on the phases we go through in life, and how many of those phases can often overlap. I’m a girlfriend, friend, and sister right now, though I’m admittedly not much of a daughter these days.
    Great blog!

    Liked by 1 person

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